He was so alive. Tangibly alive. Everyone-else-was-dead-by-comparison alive. It dawned on me how every form of vitality I had known before was merely the manifold masks of desperation.
To make things more realistic, I would suggest using a single term in the elvish language to describe the "corrupted blood elves".
After all,we use the term "scum" to refer to people we see as reprehensible. The elves would probably use a term that connotes revulsion or serves as a cautionary tale.Also, calling them "corrupted blood elves" seems a bit too long.
Secondly,why not give the elvish language a name?,Much like we would call chinese languages,Cantonese or Mandarin.
I think it would make this more realistic and interesting.
I thought there were one or two errors as well, knowing how much work it takes to edit,it's understandable.
The chapter was interesting and your tale holds promise,I look forward to how you weave it.
Thank you for this feedback Greg!!! I'm gonna copy and paste some of this when I sell the finished book in the future😆 I feel like that answer to "how far can your eyes see" is definitely a result of ChatGPT proofreading and I didn't notice it changed my verbiage here and there. But I'd like to keep it less naturally/colloquial when Philemon speaks in human language
Really engaging story and what a wonderful job you've done of bringing these characters to life.
Please don't take this the wrong way.
To make things more realistic, I would suggest using a single term in the elvish language to describe the "corrupted blood elves".
After all,we use the term "scum" to refer to people we see as reprehensible. The elves would probably use a term that connotes revulsion or serves as a cautionary tale.Also, calling them "corrupted blood elves" seems a bit too long.
Secondly,why not give the elvish language a name?,Much like we would call chinese languages,Cantonese or Mandarin.
I think it would make this more realistic and interesting.
I thought there were one or two errors as well, knowing how much work it takes to edit,it's understandable.
The chapter was interesting and your tale holds promise,I look forward to how you weave it.
That's good advice! I will figure out something when I compile them into a book.
Thank you for this feedback Greg!!! I'm gonna copy and paste some of this when I sell the finished book in the future😆 I feel like that answer to "how far can your eyes see" is definitely a result of ChatGPT proofreading and I didn't notice it changed my verbiage here and there. But I'd like to keep it less naturally/colloquial when Philemon speaks in human language